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LinkedIn’s Cold Copy Graveyard

Should I delete LinkedIn? Should you?

If you’re willing to master it, then I’m sure you’ll get amazing value from it.

But I’m not.

And I don’t.

Most of my time is spent clearing out notifications. A barrage of time-wasters, tire-kickers and cold callers. Here’s a message I got the other day from a new “connection”:

Hi Alex,

Thank you for connecting! I am passionate about building and supporting my network and even more committed to the Travel industry. I am a Travel Saving Ambassador of a company that has become one of the fastest growing companies in the direct selling industry. Our vision is to become a global leading “”consumer-centric”” focused on the philosophy of giving. I am looking to expand across North America – so if you, or if know anyone who may be in the market for a new or additional way to earn in this season – please send them my way.

Tell me a bit about yourself or business- I would love to see how we can support each other as we move forward.

Look, I don’t want to shame this poor sender.

I respect anyone who’s out hustling for themselves.

But why write this way?

“I am passionate about building and supporting my network.”

(Don’t care.)

“I am a Travel Saving Ambassador.”

(What’s that?)

“Our vision is to become a global leading “”consumer-centric”” focused on the philosophy of giving.”

(Sorry, what?)

There’s an easy way to avoid this sort of copy

Just ask yourself, “If I said this in-person, would I be embarrassed?”

It’s much easier to simply imagine yourself sitting opposite your recipient.

Write what you’d say out loud.

As I’ve said, I’m not entirely sure what’s being sold here.

But here’s what she could say instead:

Hi, Alex.

Thanks for connecting.

I reached out, because I noticed you’re a copywriter and wondered: how are you navigating these tricky times?

If you, or anyone you know, needs some extra income, please do send me a reply.

You see, right now I’m working with XYZ Travel Co. I know what you’re thinking. “Travel? Now?” But here’s what makes this company so different.

Unlike others out there, XYZ Travel…(spell out the USP in clear language). This really has produced some incredible opportunities.

In spite of everything that’s happening, it’s growing so fast we cannot recruit people quick enough. Obviously these are tough times. So if you do know anyone who might be interested, please send them my email.

I’m sure they’ll be hugely grateful to you.

I’ll send them a simple message outlining the opportunity.

Thanks again, and best.

Okay, I’m busy and lazy, so this is rough copy.

But isn’t it easier to understand?

Doesn’t it work better when the message is aimed at you and not the writer?

Actually, I don’t write much cold copy. But the one time I did, we boosted the client’s response 300%. Here’s a more detailed case study of what to do – if you’re an interested hustler.